uselessfreak

2010-01-18T01:04:00.001+08:00

empty blog is cool.

2010-01-16T16:46:00.003+08:00

when the loss of the white macbook causes so much problems.

for a start, i can't refer to what i've done previously.

and like, i don't remember how to use office 2007 for windows to make presentations. the cool cool stuff in office 2008 for mac is just always hidden from view in office 2007 for windows. there's no toolbox. zzz.

like that how?

2010-01-13T13:43:00.002+08:00

i'm tired. i'm really tired.

blows after blows to the brain isn't healthy. let alone not sleeping properly for past 2 weeks. i also don't know how people can cope with these things.

i really think i need help, but, whatever. i don't even have the time to go see doc to fix my stomach. let alone the others.

2009-12-29T13:14:00.002+08:00

because i don't fucking understand (this thing about CC-ing) & i don't fucking care about the repercussions that may follow anymore. it doesn't matter to me what, seriously.

point taken & noted, btw.

2009-12-21T07:41:00.000+08:00

reminding myself how cruel you were at that time.

but somehow, i still love you.

2009-12-19T16:55:00.004+08:00

i was searching my emails for a particular email that contains the pantone codes that i needed.

it was about exactly one year ago. and hmm. i seemed pretty crazy to write those kind of things in emails. no wonder people don't reply me. haha.

and some of the mails reminded me of the "newsletter" incident. i burst out laughing. hahaha.

2009-12-08T13:37:00.004+08:00

getting to know you. you, as in, me.

because i don't know what i want. i don't even know what i'm doing.

perhaps it's time to make all the screwed-ups even more screwed-up to hit myself really hard; and then get everything back, one at a time.

yes, needless to say, am feeling rubbish. or am i just seeking attention? there's just a thin fine line between these two.

2009-12-03T22:42:00.002+08:00

wanted to go home to go toilet initially - but since there wasn't any urgency later on when i reach the interchange, i took a walk home in this weather. with 2 cheese pancakes.

---

walking is good.

walking makes you think deeply.
walking makes you listen attentively.
walking makes you taste food differently, even.

when it all boils down to you alone, and the world all around you. nothing else.

---

things you see can make a difference.

passerbys, random strangers, advertisements, buildings, trees, flowers, animals.

information explosion...

---

escape? what's escape. can eat one or not?

---

void. empty. bubble. pop!

---

and it's all because of the fact that you still matter.

i still miss you.

2009-11-17T00:16:00.002+08:00

i turned on this macbook, intending to do work. do up the codes. or go do up the photos/backdrop. or fine, at least print my tutorial/lecture notes.

but once i launched dreamweaver, i got turned off. totally turned off. sigh.

---

because many things still matter.

2009-11-15T04:37:00.002+08:00

watching the korean drama today makes me miss you even more.

and yes. i can't fall asleep.

2009-11-09T00:40:00.002+08:00

because there's no second chance in life.

but i am really tired of everything.

2009-10-06T18:28:00.001+08:00

i am still angry & pissed at today's episodes.

even spamming 中島美嘉 on the journey home after work didn't help a single bit.

this just means trouble. for you.

2009-10-02T09:27:00.004+08:00

what's wrong with this world today?

early morning woke up and feel like crap. the nose is still blocked now.

go to school. blardy cyclists who can't cycle in such a densely populated location. if you can't avoid people or make up your bleeding idea, don't cycle to the market and start making people go in all directions. and many cyclists are doing that.

then cross the zebra crossing. nahbeh you treat me as invisible and i nearly brushed your stupid lorry. you think you lorry then don't have to stop at the crossing? thanks for speeding too.

and i reached school in one piece. sat down, adium doesn't work. messenger for mac doesn't work. and the whole machine is heating up randomly. and it's lagging badly. running safari alone causes the fan to spin already. nice one ah.

---

AND BLARDY SAFARI CRASHED WHILE I WAS TRYING TO EDIT THIS POST. NOW IT ISN'T WORKING AND LOCKING UP EVERY SINGLE TIME I LAUNCH IT.

wth. might as well you just cut off my internet access. i don't see the point of having such a "secure" wireless connection (which just brings about a whole load of problems) then things break and don't work.

or you can just ban all mac users in this stupid school. tell me how many mac users have problems here. airports get banned (i've seen people ending up using their own mobile broadband - THEN WE PAY SCHOOL FEES FOR WHAT?!), applications don't work, proxy settings don't work, etc. thanks ah, for this crap connection.

---

knnccb.

it's only been half an hour. how to survive the next 8 and 1/2 hours?

2009-09-18T10:42:00.001+08:00

haha. that was the final straw.

that's it man, that's it.

2009-09-17T11:53:00.003+08:00

oi stupid pig. wake up leh.

stop feeling hungry.
stop falling asleep while reading emails.
stop thinking.

sometimes, like today, even hunger isnt a motivation for me to get out of the office at 12:00PM for lunch because i'm just darn plain lazy. but looks like i have no choice today. and heck, i'm even lazy to walk a few feet to go get coffee when i'm feeling sleepy.

i swear i'll gain weight NOT from eating too much, but sitting too long everyday.

2009-09-13T23:39:00.001+08:00

you know, i still love you.

i really do.

2009-09-10T17:49:00.000+08:00

technically, it's wrong to assume, isn't it?

2009-09-07T23:18:00.001+08:00

i miss you.

2009-09-07T02:23:00.001+08:00

1.5 years more isn't that long. but neither it is short either.

so what now?

2009-09-06T02:01:00.003+08:00

play, play, play.
cui, cui, cui.

---

do work, do work, do work.
read, read, read.
design, design, design.
code, code, code.
debug, debug, debug.

---

stop, stop, stop.

2009-08-28T01:12:00.002+08:00

exams over, woohoo. great? perhaps. not that great in the other department though.

---

wonderful awesome food & a table with four corners, colorful chips and rectangular tiles...

what more can i ask for?

thanks guys. :)

2009-08-19T18:12:00.000+08:00

is kind of sad.

or rather, is very sad.

2009-08-09T10:58:00.000+08:00

and here we go, all over again.

2009-07-26T12:14:00.001+08:00

because i was thinking about it... (you know, the best way to end it all.)

until it got kind of scary.

so woke myself up.

2009-07-24T23:59:00.002+08:00

great company, awesome food, stuffed our stomachs to the extent that we just nua-ed the whole day away...

today's a good day.

2009-07-23T01:27:00.001+08:00

lan lan suck thumb...

suck until thumb rotten le. still have to continue sucking.

2009-07-21T15:08:00.001+08:00

算了。

2009-07-21T09:51:00.002+08:00

WHY?

2009-07-19T12:37:00.002+08:00

when all efforts in the past year has gone to waste after 10 minutes.

& when life crumbles.

it just means that many things don't actually matter in the real world. like the 3-digits that dictate our life now; it just didn't mattered in the real world.

learnt a lesson today.

2009-07-18T10:50:00.001+08:00

fuck this shit.

because i dont know whats going on. & i dont know whats going wrong.

2009-07-10T09:23:00.000+08:00

i'm tired.

call me projection or pushing the blame to others.

but i'm doing this s___ s__ p______ at the expense of my life, love, and everything else that comes with it.

2009-07-07T08:15:00.001+08:00

because i stared at the blinking cursor for at least 5 minutes before typing out this sentence.

and that's because i don't know what's going on. nobody knows.

2009-07-05T21:20:00.001+08:00

psychos myself that next 2 weeks will be fine!

more than fine. excellent!!

more than excellent. awesome!!!

psychos. psychos. psychos.

---

and i'll miss you more than anything else. :)

2009-06-25T09:45:00.002+08:00

the author of this blog is feeling quite happy nowadays.

so there's nothing much to write for now. except for minor irritants here & there, everything's pretty much fine. but oh, sometimes irritants are irritating enough for me to write about it on facebook.

no, i'm not the kind of blogger who likes to blog about mudane stuff that's happening everyday. memories are good enough to serve this purpose :)

and miss you.

2009-06-06T15:51:00.000+08:00

because term-tests are over.

because i miss you, stupid girl.

2009-06-02T23:14:00.001+08:00

i cant even do simple simple things. i cant even remember a time.

what the foxtrot-uck.

i can just go die lah.

2009-05-31T22:58:00.000+08:00

because term tests are here & they suck.

told you poly is dumb.

2009-05-14T07:39:00.001+08:00

i have a love-hate relationship with photoshop & powerpoint.

2009-05-04T09:26:00.000+08:00

do you know why?

because i don't.

2009-05-02T16:14:00.001+08:00

just.

running away.

turning off.

2009-05-02T10:57:00.002+08:00

maybe... maybe all this is bullshit & not what i wanted all along.

because i'm kind of tired already.

apparently i still dont understand how these things work, no? i dont know, for now.

on a related note: "10 official days" passed for school - and i've lost 80% of my energy already. like that how to keep on running, even when this is a relatively less-worrying semester? (because i dont have to worry about cds every week.)

2009-04-28T23:07:00.000+08:00

i don't know how.

2009-04-18T21:23:00.000+08:00

didn't feel like showing anything outside when the insides is in a turmoil.

2009-04-06T22:20:00.004+08:00

bored today after work. so went to ikea to look for inspirations. & suddenly leopard's preview became my 2nd best friend when it comes to matters like this, after photoshop.

update: as i was packing up the stuff a few minutes ago, i broke the osram bulb accidentally. shattered into many many many pieces.
like how nice. at what a right/wrong time.

---

i miss you. but what i think doesn't matter; didn't mattered since a long long time ago, isn't it.

2009-04-06T07:29:00.001+08:00

hohoho?

hohoho.

2009-03-31T07:12:00.001+08:00

what if, what if, what ifs.

how ironic.

& while we're at it, the human brain is a weird & 'wonderful' thing.

2009-03-25T22:29:00.002+08:00

note to self: stop putting money into wallet during near project/assignment submission and/or exams dates when the semester starts.

i'll be a much much healthier person because i'll either be eating little or not eating, just like now.

sooooooo, *ahem*, stop calling me a pig! :D

2009-03-19T22:30:00.003+08:00

i don't like hospitals.

apart from marvelling at how wonderful medical science is, i really don't like that place.

because of the sad stories that some people have. like we saw an old lady (80+ years old) who was outside the neurology ICU wards. she is waiting for her son to regain consciousness, whom had a fall while working many days ago, and is still unconscious. she waits outside the ward everyday, hoping that the nurses would come and tell her that his son has regained consciousness.

listening to this kind of stories makes me really sad.

every different person there has his/her own stories to tell. and when you're there, none of them are pleasant.

---

it's been a long week. an extremely long week. and an expensive week, while we're at it.

2009-03-18T23:00:00.002+08:00

thanks everyone whom came to surprise me today. thanks for all the wishes through sms, msn & facebook.

thanks for making me cheerful today.

thanks for everything! :)

2009-03-13T23:19:00.001+08:00

please get well soon.

nothing else matters more than you being alright & healthy.

2009-03-09T22:22:00.001+08:00

i've started to eat lesser & lesser!

like i didn't finish my lunch today.

and asked myself to stop eating after 11.30pm.

woohoo~

2009-03-02T19:42:00.001+08:00

i feel like a super noob. sigh.

2009-02-23T06:56:00.000+08:00

because i just can't help it.

2009-02-19T22:28:00.001+08:00

i should stop eating so much.

i eat a lot when i'm feeling emotions of angry and/or depressed and/or -insert_emotion_here-.

this cannottttttttt continue.

i can seriously feel my stomach already.

sigh.

2009-02-19T19:13:00.001+08:00

i am fucking angry that i can't find my notes now.

yes, fucking pissed & angry.

2009-02-14T14:21:00.001+08:00

this moody weather isn't making me feel better at all.

sigh.

where's that nice nice, windy windy, swee swee weather?

2009-02-12T20:37:00.002+08:00

i think i've spoilt my ears through excessively loud ipod listening.

i don't find my ipod loud anymore. when i'm in bus, i turn it to max volume but i still can hear my surroundings, which i seriously seriously don't like.

and i need to turn on louder for my speakers nowadays while watching internet tv. is it because they have adjusted the volume of their clips, or is it because i simply need things to be louder nowadays?

sigh.

or maybe i should go buy new earphones. and continue to spoil my ears. eventually i may just lose my sense of hearing. sigh. i'd rather have selective loss of hearing - whereby i can just mute out the voices of some people.

think too much la, think too much. brain spoil already i suppose.

---

on an unrelated note: rubbish & idiot people who don't flush public toilets after use should just bang their heads on the cubicle wall every single time afterwards.

idiotsssssss.

no matter how much i dislike to touch things in public toilets, i still flush that damm thing what. i think there are a lot more people who have fear of public toilets than me.

still, i just don't see why these inconsiderate people can't do the same thing, to flush that damm thing.

sigh.

2009-02-10T23:37:00.002+08:00

today the link between my stomach & my brain seems spoilt.

i ate like, i don't know, too much than i should? after the whole day of feasting i still went to eat instant noodles after i got home.

but really really i don't feel full.

maybe like what freud's psychoanalytic theory would say:

i am just displaying the defense mechanism regression, whereby i'm behaving as if i was in an earlier stage of development. repression too, pushing unacceptable & unpleasant stimuluses back into the unconscious.

haha.

2009-02-08T22:43:00.002+08:00

this week feels like...

monday
tuesday
wednesday
thursday 1.0
thursday 2.0
friday 1.0
friday 2.0

then it'll be monday tomorrow. sigh.

---

i'm sorry to you guys. afterall, i am the one who didn't do work.

2009-02-08T14:44:00.001+08:00

neither here nor there.

2009-02-02T21:37:00.004+08:00

i like walking home.
especially during windy times.
especially at night.

because it gives me time alone.
gives me time to think.
gives me time to ponder.
gives me time to reflect.
and gives me time to try to cry. (it hasn't worked, not since primary 3. that's why the word 'try'.)

yes, wallowing in self-pity.
yes, escaping the realities.
escaping things that i don't like & don't want to see & don't want to face.

but that's just me.

2009-01-31T01:56:00.004+08:00

i need to stop falling asleep randomly in my room while watching internet tv - either on the chair, or on the bed.

but i need to start falling asleep when i'm trying to sleep "properly" - when i'm in the room with everything turned off & sleeping for long long hours.

this problem is just getting from bad to worse to worser.

it explains why i'm blogging at 01:56 when normally posts written at these kind of timings goes into the draft instead of public. because i've just woken up. haha.

=/.

2009-01-24T11:45:00.004+08:00

waking up at 9am, drinking coffee, spending the morning doing random stuff around the house with last.fm & lush 99.5fm.

and sitting at the kitchen, enjoying the wind.

that's how i like my weekends to be.

2009-01-22T13:52:00.003+08:00

is at itas now.

is unmotivated. is tired. is bored. is dont-feel-like-doing-anything. is not even really sleepy. is in need of adrenaline rush.

i officially term this as "festive seasons blues". or so i think.

2009-01-21T23:25:00.001+08:00

i want to explode already.

2009-01-18T19:08:00.001+08:00

its like...

mondays & tuesdays & thursdays & fridays don't have their unique feel anymore.
wednesdays suck, yes. that won't change until this sem ends.
saturdays & sundays pass by quickly. sometimes too quickly that i don't even know; "eh, wtf, its sunday already?!"

is bored, that's why am writing rubbish like this.

i totally forgot my inspiration for this post after i was fooling around with the ipod just now.

2009-01-12T13:57:00.001+08:00

needs more rubbish food!

2009-01-10T20:56:00.000+08:00

i really really hate those medical dramas - you know, those kind that stimulates problems in the operating theatre, got patients dying during operations, doctors who suck, things like that.

yeah, call me escaping the reality.

but i seriously hate these dramas.

and i'm blogging this while eating my steamboat dinner because i'm irritated by the tv - and yes it's showing the korean doctor drama which is irritating the crap out of me right now.

or i think it's because everything happening these days are just making me cranky.

2009-01-06T20:31:00.001+08:00

yawns.

i'm not surprised nor humored either.

because we've sort of became "numb" to these things already.

2009-01-05T20:04:00.003+08:00

it's when the slope is slippery.

i had to constantly remind myself through the things that i wrote previously.

---

on a similar note: i can't write things anymore. my blog, copywriting, essays, reports & presentations lack life. and they're boring - very very very very very boring.

i'm pissed with myself already with a stupidly boring PoC journal - yes it's my creation.

and i don't know where to go to look for inspiration nowadays. dreams maybe?

2009-01-02T09:00:00.003+08:00

this post is intended to replace the previous post by the scheduled time.

i love scheduled posts. :)

and i only have one new year resolution. stop eating supper!

2009-01-02T00:09:00.004+08:00

and i've had countless conversations with countless people about our secondary school days.

because we miss those days.

those days of everything was happy happy.

none of the guessing of this & that.
none of the pretending of here & there.

not like right now.

and sometimes, we don't even have time for ourselves nowadays.

2009-01-01T00:01:00.000+08:00

and somehow the previous year has taught me that many things must be solved quickly, otherwise it'll be a pain in every part of me.

happy 2009 everyone. :)

2008-12-26T00:01:00.000+08:00

food!

2008-12-25T00:01:00.001+08:00

merry christmas everyone. :)

2008-12-17T11:54:00.001+08:00

food!

2008-12-16T22:29:00.002+08:00

;it's been so long.

;and i don't know why i still can't even say a simple hi to you.

2008-12-15T22:13:00.002+08:00

term tests over.
holidays now.

just typing this post to get rid of the chinese words - i'm kind of irritated by it.

note to self: i should have lots of inspirations to write stories now. but just can't find the right place and right mood to write the right story.

2008-12-05T23:59:00.007+08:00

游走在这城市里，
看着吵杂与喧闹。

周遭的活动淡淡地停了下来。。。

在熟悉的街道上漫步，
空虚的心灵四处张望。

寻寻觅觅，寻寻觅觅。。。

是道路指引方向，
还是我选择方向？

(edit removed)

2008-12-03T22:54:00.002+08:00

i am still f-ing pissed and angry.

but looks like i don't have time for myself since there's so much work to do.

trust is cheap. kind of. i shouldn't have trusted so much in the first place.

2008-12-01T22:41:00.002+08:00

the grass always seem greener on other people's lives.

---

and oh. i seriously hate myself for being so unproductive yet promising to do so many things.

-whacks myself-

i want a holiday. :(

2008-12-01T00:30:00.000+08:00

so, its december.

one month left or one month more?

2008-11-29T08:52:00.001+08:00

numb & empty.

on a related note, my home feels like a hotel nowadays.

2008-11-26T22:11:00.003+08:00

you know, i'm actually quite numb about things nowadays. a, p, p, w, & everything else.

already lose the feeling to even bother.

---

i may or may not know what's going on.
i may or may not have guessed correctly.

and yes this is one of the things that i'm quite numb about too.

---

and $$$$$$$$$$.

so perhaps i shouldn't even think about korea.

2008-11-24T22:45:00.000+08:00

is empty.

2008-11-24T10:59:00.001+08:00

didn't feel like having anything here.

and please get well soon.

2008-11-23T22:20:00.000+08:00

taking the bus late at night with the cold aircon
+ a typical couple in front of me
+ 梁靜茹's 如果能在一起 playing on the ipod
+ many many thoughts

= changing song on ipod & reading my airline notes that's on my hands

2008-11-15T16:53:00.000+08:00

saw christmas decorations at TM.
the weather is changing - it's kind of colder these days.

so, that season is coming.

and no i don't like all the feelings/emotions associated with it.

2008-11-15T11:42:00.000+08:00

-yawns-

2008-11-13T00:33:00.003+08:00

so.

i was staring at my computer screen (google chrome: gmail) & handphone.

thinking, thinking, thinking.

---

someone (i dont remember who) "copied" the way i always stone. you know, that expression-less face, with eyes not staring anywhere, and body hardly moving at all.

and i was stoning too during today's hf class.

i've always had this feeling that my subconscious is the one converting speech to text, aka my hands will write down what is being said by lecturers. butttttt the brain isn't processing it. the brain is trying to process something else instead every single time.

then i heard my name. to be honest i didn't really catch the question cause hearing my name in a loud voice wakes me up.

then i'll give the natural reaction of 'huh?!' before continuing to process. shit lah, i forgot that this is a lesson.

but i also don't know the answer to the question even if i had heard it.

---

in the end, i'm still in a loss.

---

and sorry. because i think i'm very rude towards people nowadays. please give me some time.

---

associations & memories. & unpleasant ones while we're at it.

2008-11-12T07:43:00.001+08:00

didn't felt like having anything here.

2008-11-11T00:25:00.002+08:00

& Always. says:
your postcan be like
& Always. says:
MUJIA ROCKS YAY
& Always. says:
HAHAHAHA
ĵ м / says:
sureeee.

---

so here goes my post.

MUJIA ROCKS YAY.

---

[edit] -points to tagboard-

hazirah rocks too.

---

(i didn't feel like having this post going away from the front page, so... i'm continuing to edit this post.)

i hate hearing my own voice. as in, hearing my own voice that is recorded on videos.

what you hear yourself (when you speak) and what is being recorded is different. and it sucks more when you hear the playback.

i can't stand my own voice. i really really hate my own voice if its what everyone else hears everyday.

i don't know how others can stand my voice sia.

---

maybe, maybe. maybe it's time to make some changes to this mess.

2008-11-09T23:17:00.003+08:00

i smell(of/like/-ing) cake right now. but yes, thats because i haven't bathe. give me some time to read my mails firstttttt.

---

i'm sorry for my attitude nowadays.

especially the part about sprouting nonsense. and saying too much than what i'm supposed to say.

and the part about me showing rubbishy attitude towards many things. especially during friday psps tutorials, my bad attitude towards my group people.

i'm finding ways to control myself. in the process, in the process. i just need a push to get my first step done. then things will fall into place.

2008-11-07T00:55:00.003+08:00

eh like damn funny sia.

---

and eh i look like caveman meh?! never cut hair only what lols.

---

is very irritated. i've felt this way since a long time ago. not just recently.

---

is there caffeine sweets? i get very pissed when i need to go find coffee/coke everytime.

---

my room is a mess. books piling up. lots of stuff. i see liao also sian 1/2.

2008-11-04T00:29:00.002+08:00

previous post was too colorful.

so decided that it'll be black and gray instead for this post.

2008-11-03T01:05:00.003+08:00

yes. we were THAT bored.

[edit] the next screenshot.

2008-11-01T23:41:00.003+08:00

sorry if i had ignored anyone in the morning/evenings when i'm walking from home to school or the other way round.

once i plug in my ipod, my subconscious takes over and brings me to school/home automatically. while my mind is thinking about stuff. only functions such as not smacking into walls/people/cars and stuff like that happens.

---

and sorry for my crazy crazy moods.

sorry if i had offended anyone while going through these siao siao moments. such as displaying super bad attitude during psps lessons.

sorry.

2008-10-31T23:59:00.001+08:00

thanks for the great evening.

i really enjoyed myself. thank you everyone.

2008-10-30T23:13:00.000+08:00

don't feel like having words here.

2008-10-28T17:36:00.003+08:00

i just got home. went to toilet.

told mum that i bought my textbook at $36. both mum & dad was in the kitchen.

dad 酸酸-ly said. "today only earned $35. not even enough to buy your textbook."

even though he didn't mean anything. we all know that it's just a joke.

but i'm tired from all these.

and yes, i was feeling particularly rubbishy today. didn't feel like going home. but had nowhere to go to.